My Novichok Doorknob Experiment Proves: Daniel Sandford is an Idiot

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

I am a professional with special equipment approved by the White Helmets themselves. Just take my word for it. Daniel Sandford of the BBC is an idiot. So is everyone at 10 Downing Street apparently.

It’s SCIENCE!! Can’t argue with that.

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M. Night Shyamalan is Now Writing for 10 Downing Street

by Scott Creighton

You can’t make this up. Daniel Sandford in online defending his tweet from this morning in which he is reporting on a story out of #10 Downing that ONLY THE RUSSIANS have the “technical means and operational experience” to smear some buttery substance on a doorknob.

It’s beyond stupid. It’s turning stupid into an art-form. Kinda like…

Now I know you’re thinking “Scott… that’s just silly. No one would say that or then Tweet it with a straight face and DEFEND the stupidity online” and normally, I would agree… but alas poor Yorick. I knew him Horatio. He used to have half a brain… but now…

You think the Bard is rolling in his grave? And this is what they call “intelligence” in Britain?

Here’s my version of a modernized and extremely shortened A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream. Hope you enjoy it.

ACT ONE:

M. Night: Ok. Here’s the thing.

producer: ok.

M. Night: They can’t work doorknobs.

producer: they crossed the universe. make crop signs without leaving a trace. abduct rednecks and lonely women for late night probing parties… but they can’t use doorknobs.

M. Night: yeah… uh… and… uh… their weakness is water… and she said “swing away”

producer: they came all this way to take over a planet that is about 70% of their deadly weakness, where it rains all the time…

M. Night: yeah

producer: and a ghost needs to tell a guy to hit an alien perv with a bat as he’s about to bad-touch his kid?

M. Night: now you got it.

producer: well, ok then

ACT TWO:

Mark Sedwell: We are deep up the Thames

M. Night: What ya need?

Mark Sedwell: We got no ending for this Skripal episode thing. What ya got mate?

M. Night: Well, bloke… got it!

Mark Sedwell: Hit me Chappie!

M. Night: See how this grabs your mashers! Ok… here it is… ONLY RUSSIA HAS THE TECHNOLOGY TO SMEAR BUTTER ON DOORKNOBS!! huh! huh!

Mark Sedwell: Who the fuck let him in here? Who the fuck let him in here?!? Didn’t you see that SIGNS shit!! Get the fuck out!

M. Night: You should let it sink in for a second. It’s good. Think of it as irony

Mark Sedwell: All you’re doin is retooling that stupid shit with the aliens and doorknobs from SIGNS you fucking twit! Get out before I have someone smear some Novichok on you… not that WE have any… mind you. I mean… I didn’t say that.

Theresa May: Now just hold on ONE SECOND! I think he might be onto something. Didn’t you see The Village? He’s a genius. I say we run with it.

Mark Sedwell: What?!? Oh all right. Someone call that Danny Sandford idiot. We can get him to sell it. He’ll sell anything for a pint and a hooker. Someone wake up Shyamalan and get him out of here.

CURTAIN

Frankly I think I’m winning an Oscar for that one. Shit, if the White Helmets can get one, anyone can.

‘We didn’t see any patients with symptoms of chemical attack’ – hospital staff in Russian MoD video

by Scott Creighton

According to witnesses, directly after a strike, a number of people flooded into a hospital complaining of smoke inhalation and other issues expected in such an event when in stormed some White Helmet types who yelled out something about a chemical attack and got the people all panicked. They started spraying people with hoses and giving the kids inhalers for COPD or something and filming the chaos. The Russian MoD says they have evidence to suggest the British forced the White Helmets to do this on short notice. You might remember, the White Helmets (formerly known as the Islamic State Fire Brigade) were created by a former British Special Ops soldier turned contractor for MI-6. Looks like the Brits were desperate to distract attention from the collapsing Skripal case and the IDF’s ongoing genocide in Gaza.

Nikki Haley held a brief press conference this afternoon in which she claims the British, the French and the Americans all agree it was a “chemical attack” that took place in spite of the fact that they have no one on the ground in the area to do any kind of testing or interviews of witnesses. The OPCW, invited by Syria, arrived today to do an official investigation. The Red Crescent has already done theirs and they concluded no chemical weapons strike took place.

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STRIPE Freezes MakerSupport Account: PLUS!!! A Special Message for Connor Douglass

“ashes to ashes dirt to dirt.
Punks run when I put in work”

Some crap is shaking loose with the MakerSupport situation. Their account seems to be frozen by STRIPE. I’m waiting for official reply from STRIPE regarding this but they have suddenly gone silent on me and MakerSupport still hasn’t replied to any of my communications with them. But their owner has replied to a donor… and lied about this situation. It’s getting to the point where I guess Connor figures he “picked the wrong n**** to f*** wit

Maker Support email support@makersupport.com
Maker Support twitter account https://twitter.com/GoMakerSupport
Connor Douglass email conner@makersupport.com
Connor Douglass Twitter account https://twitter.com/DissentReport
email Stripe (attention Angus and Veronica) support@stripe.com

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