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  1. Sources that wish to remain anonymous inform that a large shipment of GM crickets arrived in Cuba straight from the Lomonosov University Bio-weapons Lab. These creatures are genetically engineered to produce an unnaturally high-pitched sound (stridulation) by rubbing their hairy legs and wings together simultaneously. The Cuban operation, code named Yank the Yanks, was not meant to drive the US diplomats out but rather to use them as guinea pigs in the test phase of the operation. This was a test to determine the optimal decibel level of the stridulation to be used around Guantanamo so as to drive the military staff away without causing excessive harm to the inmates.

    • ah man… that is almost good enough for Rachel Maddow to use on her show tonight. All you need is to add a bit about the university bio-weapons lab being tied to Trump in some 6 Degrees of Separation way and I think you could sell it to her staff!

      • You can bet Di$info Jones is already letting his audience know that the filthy communists have achieved the weaponisation of Cuban crickets, the deadliest tool yet in their anti-mom-and-apple-pie arsenal.
        Too bad the Onion is too embedded in the Mockingbird system to give this subject the treatment it deserves.

      • Thank you, Scott. Wow, Rachel Meadow grade. Huge compliment.

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